--- title: "Training videos for developing skills in giving and receiving feedback · Sunergos" description: "As the Sunergos team, we have supported leaders and teams in developing their skills in giving developmental feedback through coaching, trainings and longer leadership development programmes. In our work we put great emphasis…" url: https://www.sunergos.ee/en/blog/training-videos-for-developing-feedback-skills/ language: en --- [Home](https://www.sunergos.ee/en/) / [Blog](https://www.sunergos.ee/en/blog/) / Leadership Article · Leadership # Training videos for developing skills in giving and receiving feedback Reet Neemoja Founder, partner · 6 April 2020 · 7 min read FemaleMale As the Sunergos team, we have supported leaders and teams in developing their skills in giving developmental feedback through coaching, trainings and longer leadership development programmes. In our work we put great emphasis on practical training, which helps participants really try out and practise giving and receiving supportive feedback. Developing communication skills is an intensive process, and there are many nuances to keep an eye on and remember. That is why leaders have told us that, in addition to knowledge and practice, it would be a great help to be able to watch a real feedback conversation “like a fly on the wall”, in order to analyse it and learn from it. One day, one of our valued clients approached us and asked whether we would be willing to create training videos of a feedback conversation. We had never done anything like it before, but we realised that videos could help leaders, and we took on the challenge. That is how the developmental feedback training videos were born, covering five aspects of a feedback conversation: 1. Preparing for the conversation, opening the meeting, creating the atmosphere 2. Giving recognising feedback 3. Giving critical feedback 4. Receiving feedback 5. Summarising the conversation and further support Each video contains an example of both a supportive and an unsupportive way of holding the conversation, and after the video clips the main learning points from the scene just watched are highlighted. Together, the five videos make up one complete feedback conversation. Find out more about the training videos [HERE](https://sunergos.ee/arendavad-vestlused/) (in Estonian). **Lessons from the training videos through the eyes of those who made them** The training videos were born in an intensive month-long project, during which we wrote the script, filmed, edited, analysed the finished videos and added texts drawing attention to the important learning points. The whole process was full of learning moments on many levels. Having supported leaders as a coach in preparing for various conversations and having run trainings in developmental conversations, I still hadn’t realised how difficult it is to give feedback in a real situation so that it follows all the nuances of giving supportive feedback. **My three biggest “aha” moments from the process of creating the videos… which I knew before, but now feel on a whole new level:** **1\. The many layers of communication** Our aim was to create videos that are as short as possible, true to life and demonstrate the main nuances that support and don’t support giving feedback. While writing the script, I noticed how many different nuances of communication fit into every moment: choice of words, attitude, body language, use of space and so on. None of this was new to me in theory, but I hadn’t previously sensed how many things have to “happen” in parallel. When I put myself in the position of an actor who has to demonstrate all this in a single moment, I understood on a completely different level how difficult what we try to pass on to leaders in coaching or training actually is. **2\. There is no such thing as a perfect conversation!** While the negative examples were filmed in 1.5 hours and the process seemed to fly, I allowed what I thought was a comfortable margin, assuming that filming the positive examples would be more complex and could take about 3 hours. In reality, we got the positive examples in the can in the form we wanted about 8 hours later. The difference in time was not twofold, but more than fivefold! With the bad examples it was easy: the actors played as felt natural to them, and if the wording of a sentence changed or the body language was slightly different from what was planned, it “fitted”. But none of us had imagined beforehand how difficult it can be to hold a PERFECT feedback conversation – fully supportive in every aspect – and what great effort it requires from the leader (or the actor in the leader’s role). Clear self-expression through a three-part I-message has probably stayed in all our memories forever, because we filmed it six times over, looking for a solution that would come naturally to the actor, sound natural and at the same time contain all the important components. In the end, though, we had to admit that perfection can’t be created, because we are human, and what really counts is not perfection but the wish to give your best. **3\. Attitude matters most** Going through the videos to cut together the most suitable of the different takes, I noticed how utterly merciless video is: while in a real situation some nuances may go unnoticed because attention can’t take in everything, video is mercilessly revealing, and all the “imperfections” stand out clearly when you watch with focus, and repeatedly. This experience gave me a very important “aha!” moment: I understood that a leader doesn’t have to be perfect in real life to be supportive, because the person receiving feedback can’t actually perceive all the nuances the leader expresses. Going by gut feeling, I would suggest that the 80-20 principle applies: if you do most things in a supportive way, your feedback will have a supportive effect. I believe attitude matters most: when a leader feels inside that they want to support the employee in succeeding, they intuitively do most things in a way that lets the employee sense their support. So it is always worth developing yourself and learning communication techniques to be more effective, but the most important thing is still that your heart is in the right place. **Team members’ insights** I also asked the other key people in the project what they learned during the process of creating the videos, and it was nice to notice both overlaps and the different nuances each of them added. **Anne-Mai Tevahi, actor at Theatre Must JaAm (in the role of the leader):** - I understood how important it is to sense the other person in the conversation and take their needs into account, and I realised that giving supportive feedback is difficult – it really has to be learned; it doesn’t come naturally. - As an actor, experiencing the role of a leader was an important lesson for me. I had never been in this role before, and as an ordinary employee you have no idea how difficult it is. Being a bad leader was very easy, but being a good leader who starts from the employee’s needs and wants to help them succeed – that required serious effort. - The bad examples stuck in my memory very well, and I know what to avoid from now on. On the good side, the biggest aha was how supportive it is to share something from your personal life in the conversation – to open up – and how much it creates a different kind of contact and strengthens the bond between leader and subordinate. **Janno Puusepp, actor at Theatre Must JaAm (in the role of the specialist):** - Acting is listening to your partner – you have to react to how your partner approaches you. We filmed several takes of the scenes, and each time I reacted as if I were hearing what the leader said to me for the first time. In this sense it was interesting to sense how the leader’s way of expressing themselves and the techniques used actually worked. I felt myself react differently when the leader changed something. For example, in the negative scenes you could really feel the point where it was as if there was a wall in front of you from the leader’s side and there was nowhere to go. - As a result of the video project, I also started doing certain things differently in my own work, in the theatre. The negative examples especially stayed with me, and I have made sure not to make the mistakes we played out. For example, when I want to be sure my message lands, I make sure there are no physical barriers between us, I make more personal contact, look people in the eye more and pay more attention than before to the other person feeling good. - It was also interesting to see how the corporate world works. It seems to run along a straighter line than life in the theatre. **Karl Markus Antson – filming and editing, Antson Production** - In parallel with the process of creating the videos, I had a difficult situation with a client, and taking part in the video project helped me understand how important it is to take time to work on the relationship and not focus only on the result of the work or the technical aspects. I looked at myself from the outside and thought about how I can be a better giver of feedback myself. - It was interesting to watch how we tried to create videos showing the ideal of how to give feedback, and in the process we ourselves were constantly giving and receiving feedback. It helped sense the humanity of the situation: we had read the script beforehand, but had never practised these things, and now we had to practise them ourselves while creating videos demonstrating the ideal. Creating and applying at the same time was exciting. - My awareness of what works and what doesn’t in giving feedback also grew, and I understood that it is useful to use these same things everywhere, in all relationships, not only at work. - A video is a story – it is a real-life situation and we put ourselves into it, experiencing it through ourselves. That is why video is a powerful learning tool. **Inese Freimane – head of HR development at Omniva (client and active co-thinker)** - As an onlooker at the filming, an important learning point for me was how difficult it was for the actor to give positive feedback in a fully supportive way, even with the script in front of them. In the same way, as a leader you may feel you are being professional, without sensing how your message, through small nuances such as choice of words, tone of voice or body language, affects the listener quite differently from what you think and want. I think that, in addition to watching the videos, practical training is very important for really becoming a better giver of feedback. - The great advantage of videos as a learning tool is speed. Leaders are always in a hurry and don’t have time to go deep into every topic. Videos are irreplaceable here: watching a real situation, you immediately notice the learning points and learn quite differently than by reading about giving feedback. - From the organisation’s point of view, it was also a wise decision to invest in a format that stays with us for a long time and that we can always come back to when needed. In summary, I can say this was one of the most exciting and instructive pieces of work I have done, and I am sincerely grateful to our project team, who took part in an intense period with great dedication and got through all the difficulties with good humour. The last lesson is perhaps that good humour always helps – I haven’t laughed so heartily at work in a long time as on the super-intensive day of filming the videos! My heartfelt thanks to the professional, dedicated and talented people thanks to whom the videos were made: Anne-Mai Tevahi and Janno Puusepp (Theatre Must JaAm), Karl Markus Antson and Margus Antson (Antson Production), Inese Freimane (Omniva) and Eliisa Sakarias (Sunergos). If you would like to know more about the training videos or would like to watch them, get in touch through the [developmental conversations training videos website](https://sunergos.ee/arendavad-vestlused/) or write to me directly at [reet@sunergos.ee](mailto:reet@sunergos.ee). ![Reet Neemoja](https://www.sunergos.ee/images/team/reet-neemoja.jpg) About the author Reet Neemoja A process-oriented psychologist and coach with international experience, who has supported the development of leaders and organisations for over 20 years as an HR manager, management board member and external consultant. [Write to the author](mailto:reet@sunergos.ee?subject=Training%20videos%20for%20developing%20skills%20in%20giving%20and%20receiving%20feedback) Related ## Read these too. 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